Stephanie Marinelli ’25, Managing Editor
Oh, don’t you just love that feeling? Waking up in a cold sweat, knowing that in about .25 hours you will have to slump over a desk and recall everything you’ve learned for half a semester? College midterms are the bane of every young adult’s existence, but they don’t necessarily have to be. I’ve come up with a few solutions that might just change your life, as well as mine.
- DO NOT set your alarm for 20 minutes before the exam.
Just don’t do it. Don’t even try to justify it in your mind. As someone who has been incredibly tempted to skip an 8 AM just for a little more sleep, don’t do it. There is no such thing as “resting your eyes.” Before you know it, BOOM, it’s 1pm and you’re startled awake by your own guilt, with 18 missed texts, and 27 calls from your mother. You’re doomed.
- DO NOT wear jeans.
Picture this. You’re taking your Stat exam when you suddenly have to pee. In the interest of time, you make sure that this bathroom trip is extra quick. You get into the stall, thinking about whether or not the answer should be 3.56 or 4.73, and WHAM, your zipper is stuck. Like, stuck STUCK. There is no one to call, so you must accept your dreadful fate alone. But alas, you finally get it undone and race back to the classroom, grabbing a paper towel for the hands you forgot to wash on the way out. Silence. Complete and utter silence fills the room as you tiptoe past the entrance. “W-where is everyone?” you inquire. But only the dust mites can hear you. “I swear I must’ve only been 5 minutes.” You check your watch. It’s been 45 minutes.
- DO NOT wear your contacts (if you can help it).
Let’s say you’re writing an in-class essay for your COM exam, and you’ve only got 25 minutes left. All you need is the last body paragraph and a conclusion. You are making stellar progress! But, but wait. Why is the keyboard starting to look a bit…funky? You look down at your hands, searching for an answer, but they too are raising questions. Before you even have time to think, KACHOW, you feel as though your eyeballs are being stabbed with a butcher knife. You launch out of your chair and topple to the floor. Both of your contacts have ripped in your eyes. The class gathers around you in horror, but you perceive them to be a million blurry shadow figures, and you get up screaming, searching for the nearest escape. “A light, I see a light!” You race to the exit, or so you think. You hit the Smart Board. The exam is canceled for the whole class. You didn’t have the chance to fully prove yourself.
If you follow these simple steps I can absolutely guarantee that you will have no issues completing your exam. Passing it though, is fully up to you.
